Car Accident -- October 2005

So, i thought i would start this story in the 15 minutes i have until Dale picks me up from work. It will be free flowing and unedited so forgive me.
No I wasn't in a car accident today.
On October 25, 2005 Dale and I were on our way to the closing of our new house. Were were driving on CR 419 when a girl ran a stop sign and hit our car. It was on my side of the car, luckily for me, Dale saw her just before she hit us and he slammed on the brakes and she hit the front quarter panel of the car and not my car door. That day changed my life.
I am writing this story because yesterday i decided to get some counseing to deal with the car accident and the way it makes me feel on the inside. I haven't really put into words the pain i feel inside everyday. I feel like a bit of me died that day and i feel really stupid for having to get counseling to deal with a car accident that didnt send anyone to hospital and in which no one died. I really havent driven since then much. I can drive and do drive when i have to. I just dont want to and i dont like being in the car what so ever, hence Dale is about to pick me up from work.
October 25, 2005 should have been a great day -- my niece's 5th birthday, the day we bought our new home... the day i lost my freedom... the day my heart broke... the day the started a life time of pain.
There hasnt been a day without pain or worry sine then i wonder how many days that is. I should count, but i wont right now. That frustrates me and it makes me want to cry.
Everyday people walk by me and they think well there is a girl that has her shit together, a good job, a good husband, a nice car, a nice house, what does she have to worry about?
I worry every time i get in the car about the people who dont stop at the red lights. Do you know how many people i see running red lights, i see at least 3 people a week, just run then flat out. I hate it. I worry when Dale is late picking me up... Didi he get in a car accident? Is he ok? Can he not get to his phone? He has no clue i worry so much...
I feel like a prisoner in my body my back hurts all the time, like knives poking me in the back and twisting knives in my neck, especially at the base of my skull. They tell me there is nothing they can do for me and i will probably be like this for the rest of my life. Thanks for that great news at 31.
I know i dont complain very much, but this has been a hard week. You know i have ridden my bike once since the car accident. I dont know how i will ever get back into triathlons at this pace. A sport i love!
Well dale is pulling into the parking lot.
Ill write more later, maybe this Will help me figure out my feelings.