Update

So, from my last blog you know about the car accident and my not driving. Well, now I am getting some counseling to deal with the lack of driving. I started the week before last and I have had 3 visits.
I think it will be helpful. It has already pointed out to me that in my life I have gone through periods when bad things have happened and I have stopped doing things because of those bad things.
Last Monday I went for my second visit and Jim, my counselor asked me to come the next day because we didnt have a full hour. When we were talking the funniest thing happened; he was so interested in the stories of my life. more so then i would have thought. He sad though the story of my life is sad it sounds like it should be a comedy sitcom with a laugh track in the back ground. So, on Monday he gave me homework to write down a list of when people have ran stop signs and broadsided me, which has lead to anxiety in my life. So, i started writing them down and when i got home that night I told Dale I had to go back the next day. He asked why. I said because I am like Joe Dirt.
My life is like Joe Dirt. I come from a real red neck family with real crazy problem that even a counselor cant believe.
It have felt life a weight has been lifted off my shoulders talking about it with the counselor. I am not embarrassed. At first I was to have to get counseling for driving. But now it feels so good to just talk about these things. But all the anxiety about the deposition, the counseling and all have drivin me to need prescription antacids for my stomach. So far my doctor is not worried, but my stomach is hurting all the time. Today is the best it has felt in almost 2 weeks.
My dad and I have been talking a lot about what I am talking about in my counseling he is proud I am getting counseling to deal with what has happened in my past. He, too has had counseling. My brother on the other hand called me today and the first thing out of his mouth is, "So, I hear they are about to take you off to the funny farm." Counseling is so not about that. I am so blessed that we have counseling right at RTS.
Jim asked me how do I attribute why I am so well adjusted, my answer only by the grace of God! I totally believe that!
Have a great weekend!
I plan to write more as i go through my counseling I hope my blog will help me process my journey!

Car Accident -- October 2005

So, i thought i would start this story in the 15 minutes i have until Dale picks me up from work. It will be free flowing and unedited so forgive me.
No I wasn't in a car accident today.
On October 25, 2005 Dale and I were on our way to the closing of our new house. Were were driving on CR 419 when a girl ran a stop sign and hit our car. It was on my side of the car, luckily for me, Dale saw her just before she hit us and he slammed on the brakes and she hit the front quarter panel of the car and not my car door. That day changed my life.
I am writing this story because yesterday i decided to get some counseing to deal with the car accident and the way it makes me feel on the inside. I haven't really put into words the pain i feel inside everyday. I feel like a bit of me died that day and i feel really stupid for having to get counseling to deal with a car accident that didnt send anyone to hospital and in which no one died. I really havent driven since then much. I can drive and do drive when i have to. I just dont want to and i dont like being in the car what so ever, hence Dale is about to pick me up from work.
October 25, 2005 should have been a great day -- my niece's 5th birthday, the day we bought our new home... the day i lost my freedom... the day my heart broke... the day the started a life time of pain.
There hasnt been a day without pain or worry sine then i wonder how many days that is. I should count, but i wont right now. That frustrates me and it makes me want to cry.
Everyday people walk by me and they think well there is a girl that has her shit together, a good job, a good husband, a nice car, a nice house, what does she have to worry about?
I worry every time i get in the car about the people who dont stop at the red lights. Do you know how many people i see running red lights, i see at least 3 people a week, just run then flat out. I hate it. I worry when Dale is late picking me up... Didi he get in a car accident? Is he ok? Can he not get to his phone? He has no clue i worry so much...
I feel like a prisoner in my body my back hurts all the time, like knives poking me in the back and twisting knives in my neck, especially at the base of my skull. They tell me there is nothing they can do for me and i will probably be like this for the rest of my life. Thanks for that great news at 31.
I know i dont complain very much, but this has been a hard week. You know i have ridden my bike once since the car accident. I dont know how i will ever get back into triathlons at this pace. A sport i love!
Well dale is pulling into the parking lot.
Ill write more later, maybe this Will help me figure out my feelings.